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The Dance of Drama
It's getting late at the office. Everyone else has gone home. Greta props her head up with her hand and sips coffee as she and her co-worker, Michael, examine the blueprints spread on the drafting table. Almost done. The deadline is tomorrow. The table behind them is littered with empty Chinese food containers and coffee cups. The garbage can is overflowing with rejected ideas.
Michael reaches for a ruler and bumps Greta's arm, splattering her coffee on the blueprints. "What have you done!”? Greta yells. Staring in disbelief at the ruin, he sinks into the chair and moans, "I can't believe it! Look what happened? What an idiot."
After giving one more verbal jab, Greta shifts gears. Her voice calms a bit as she consoles him. "I know it was just an accident. You aren't such a idiot." In a few minutes, she's figured out a way to replace the blueprints by volunteering to work at the office until midnight. "Of course," she adds with a heavy sigh, "I will have call Matt and tell him to find someone else to take to the opera I was planning on to go to tonight. Maybe my daughter could go."
Michael jumps up and snapping, “If you had met your deadlines last week, we wouldn't be in this mess. She stands, “Well, I couldn’t get it done. My computer was down again and the city sent the reports late to me and my kids were sick.” After some moments of silence, Michael is comforting her, his hand on her shoulder, as the coffee slowly drips onto the floor.
What is this dance of flip flopping roles and attitudes? I feel like I'm watching a cross between a boxing match and a love scene.
Greta and Michael are dancing on the Drama Triangle.
It's a style of dancing in relationships that ensures lots of action and little real intimacy. The three moves are Rescuer (trying to help), Persecutor (trying to blame) and Victim (trying to be helpless or blameless). The tune is catchy and the moves are so inviting. If the Drama Triangle seems familiar that's because it is. You experience it almost every day. You also see it every time you go to the movies, because it's always part of any great plot. It’s all the classics. Just read Shakespeare. Sometimes it's very blatant with rolling pins flying through the air or martyrs jumping in front of large moving objects. Other times it is subtle with cool glances or years of silent suffering. Whenever you find yourself dancing on the Drama Triangle, you are in a boundary problem. Check the web site www.joancasey.com for more information about boundaries and relationships. Learn the six boundary problems and the six solutions from Boundaries: Solutions for Life. Visit www.joancasey.com
You may have noticed that if you play one role, sooner or later you will switch to a different role. Sometimes you spend only a second in a role and other times months. Each role has distinct characteristics. Recognizing these will help you identify your "favorite" or most common position on the drama triangle. It will also help you stop mindless diving into this damaging dance.
Rescuer- I'll help you
When you are living the Rescuer role you try to think, do, or exist for someone else. You do this to such an extent -- putting aside your own needs or desires -- that you often feel like you’ve lost your identity. You’re a chameleon, changing who you are from moment to moment to fit the needs of those around you.
"You want me to be intellectual? I'm intellectual. Funny? I'm funny. Deep and meaningful? -that's me!"
It's as if you have invisible antenna that quickly pick up others feelings or needs. In fact, you like how psychic you can be at times. Without thinking, you immediately move into action. You feel an urgency, a need to “do” for others. You might say it is because you care, but deep inside you know it is because you have to. You are using others to alleviate your discomfort. You feel excessive guilt or anxiety when not doing for others. In my trainings, sometimes people will create a “no care taking contract” where they agree to stop all rescuing behaviors for three days. It is not unusual for a lot of fear to emerge at first as they learn that they have a right to exist, that simply their “being” is enough.
As a Rescuer you take pride in saving the day. “I am superman or superwoman and proud of it.” Half the time, the person being helped isn't even aware of it. After awhile, you as Rescuer, feel used or unappreciated. You have a difficult time directly asking for help. "I called him, visited him in the hospital, cooked for his kids, and he never even helped me when I was moving". Therefore, you also make a pretty good martyr.
You do more than what is asked for, expected, or humanly possible and thrive on the rush you get when you save the day. In fact, that is when you feel most alive. You need to be needed and will go to great lengths to show how indispensable or thoughtful you are. In doing this, you put those around in a one-down position. Unknowingly, you treat others as if they are not competent or intelligent. Those around you are robbed of the chance to develop their own life skills. When you are in the Rescue role you keep dysfunctional systems going by working insane hours in a mismanaged business, making excuses for a drunken spouse or investing unequal amounts of energy into a “good” relationship. You attract Victims into your life like a magnet. You really don’t know what to do with someone who doesn’t need you. When you meet someone who takes good care of himself and has his life in order, you just don’t find him “interesting”. There is just no “chemistry”. The reality is, with him you intuitively know you won’t get to play your old dance.
She was the archetypal selfless mother: living only for her children,
sheltering them from the consequences of their actions –
and in the end doing them irreparable harm.
- Marcia Muller
Eventually, as a Rescuer, you feel used or unappreciated. You over give, train others to need you and act as if you never have any needs. You feel discouraged because you really haven’t been able to fix your Victim. You never can because that is part of the dance. You can only change roles.
When you spend a lifetime rescuing you carry a lot of anger, although you won’t admit it, because, that wouldn’t be nice. Instead, you rage in your head or implode your anger turning it into depression or physical illness instead. You are bitter as you look at your own unfulfilled dreams. Or sometimes you just feel tired. When this happen, you switch to the Victim role or you save up all your righteous anger and jump over to Persecutor.
As a Rescuer, your core issue is existential. On a deep level you don’t really believe you have a right to exist. So you try to do more, better and faster hoping to purchase your right to be here. On a child level, you also have secret hope that, once you have given your partner every thing he needs, then he will be whole and finally you will be taken care of. This leads you on an endless path of trying to fix those around you. Usually what you give to others the very thing you are wanting for your self. The only time you feel you can take a break or relax is when you is alone, exhausted or sick. In fact, being sick or injured is one of the few “legitimate” ways you can finally allow yourself or others to focus on what you need. To see a first-class rescuer in action, reread the story about Angela on page ____ .
Rescuers are liars
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When Matt and Greta came in for their couples therapy session, Greta opened with the following complaint: “Matt doesn’t really love me. He says he does all the time but I just don’t believe him. “
Exasperated, Matt, burst out “But Greta, I do love you!” |
Matt often plays Rescuer with Greta. When she asks him how he likes her new recipe for salmon, he smiles and says it’s great, even though he hates fish. When she cancels out on their date at the last minute- he says it’s O.K. even though he really feels hurt and angry. The trust in their relationship is slowly being chipped away by the constant little lies. It’s hard for Greta to know Matt is telling the truth, since she intuitively senses he is not being honest with her. As you learn to stop Rescuing, remember: there is a difference between tact and lying. The Boundaries Sandwich in chapter ___ will help you deliver the truth with tact
Rescuer: Why it's hard to stop and why you'll be glad when you do
Oh, how seductive the rescuer role. As a Rescuer you get lots of admiration, appreciation and applause. You are needed. You are seen as generous, thoughtful, strong and dedicated. You even can enjoy feeling superior to others since you are such a saint. You get to be the white knight in shining armor, the one to finally prove to your damsel in distress that you are different that all the others that have come before you. You are more kind, more understanding and patient. Unfortunately, if your damsel is dedicated to her Victim role, you never will be able to save her. But, at least you get to stay so busy and outwardly focused that you never face your own needs, feelings and desires.
It may be hard to stop this dance but the payoffs definitely are worth it. Once you have faced you own issues, you will have more peace in your life. You will start living your dreams. You will meet people who are competent, positive and powerful and enjoy the same in you. Stopping Rescuing, it doesn’t mean to stop being compassionate or kind. You are designed to be kind. You are naturally generous. It is human nature. When you aren’t, something has gone wrong.
Your healthy boundaries will affect everyone you meet. When you help others, you will do it in a healthy way that empowers others instead of weakens them. You will give because you are full of love, not because you are full of fear. You will be walking the path of the healer, not the Rescuer.
Maybe it’s time to stop the dance and to find out why you are here. How can you give in a way that really heals? What is your path and how can you live your life with integrity?
Listen to what Angela and M have to say after interrupting this damaging dance:
Angela: My job at the hospital is different now. I leave on time and don’t take home extra paperwork. I can’t believe how much more time and energy I have for me. I’ve set clearer limits and I am not trying to fix or take care of all my friends anymore. I’m also less resentful or angry. I used to give so much to others, even when it was messing up what I wanted to do, then I’d be mad at them because my life was put on hold.
Matt: After Greta and I realized that we were doing this dynamic; I have a lot less fear. I was always doing to things to try to keep her happy and avoid any possible conflict. Now I have started telling Greta more about what’s important to me. At first it was hard, I was so used to changing my opinions to fit hers. Now, I’ll even disagree with her. We’ve had some fights and I survived. We are learning to compromise.
Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.
-Mahatma Gandhi
Go to www.joancasey.com for more information on creating
relationships that really work
Training others to be a Victim
One day I while I was hiking with a friend, I noticed I was getting more and more clumsy. I asked myself why and I suddenly realized what was happening. Every time I’d step over a difficult spot or if I tripped, my hiking buddy would give me lots of attention. He’d stop, hold my hand and gently ask if I was all right. As the day went on, I was unconsciously making myself more awkward to have a stronger connection with him. I was becoming a Victim to bond with his Rescuer. Yikees! I stopped and told him what was happening. I asked him to only pay attention to me for being competent and agile. If I tripped and needed help, I would ask him. Within minutes I was easily climbing rocks and jumping streams without any problems. Later on we laughed about how easy it was to get into this style of relating and how easy it was to get out, as soon as we realized what was happening.
Professional Rescuers
Nurses, administrative assistants, secretaries, and counselors are just a few of the jobs where people are hired to be “professional rescuers”. If you are in a care taking profession it is important to be aware of this dynamic so you don’t unconsciously fall into Rescuing-with a capital R. Do you give till you resent it? Are you sabotaging your own health, family, dreams or goals? Are you training others to see you as Super Woman? Do you neglect to ask for help? Are you encouraging others to be helpless, by doing more for them than they really need? Are you training your clients that they don’t have to be responsible for themselves? It may be time to step back and make some new commitments to yourself about what it means to live in integrity.
Affirmations for stepping out of Rescuer
I am loveable exactly how I am.
I deserve to be here, to be loved and respected.
It is not my job to take care of everyone else.
It is safe for me to simply be.
For quotes and testimonials from the Boundaries: Solutions for Life trainings CLICK HERE
Victim- I'm helpless
When you play the Victim role you try to act helpless and blameless. Your favorite theme is “It’s hopeless” or “Why me?” or “It’s not my fault”. With a great sigh or a muffled moan you’ll collapse on the nearest sofa and begin to whine about your latest grievance, usually within hearing range of someone who might take the bait. Poor you. You manage to pick partners who are neglectful, cars that break down and bosses who use you. You seem to have a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. You say, “I’ll try” in response to proactive ideas. “I’ll try”’ in the drama triangle dictionary, is a placating way of saying “Leave me alone and get off my back. I’m not going to do anything.” In my therapy groups, if someone ever starts presenting a new contract to the group and they begin their statement with “I’ll try to…..” we simply stop the conversation and move on because we know that “triers are liars” and to make an agreement like that would only be playing a part of their sabotaging dance.
Parties who want milk should not seat themselves on a stool in them middle
of the field in the hope that the cow will back up to them.
-Elbert Hubbard
Ya, but…
Victims are also great at playing “Ya, but…” Here’s how it goes:
Victim: Oh, I feel so fat.
Rescuer: Why don’t you come join me at my aerobics class? It’s great fun.
Victim: Ya, but, the music is always too loud.
Rescuer: Let’s go for a walk. It’s a beautiful day.
Victim: Ya, but I need new sneakers.
Rescuer: I’ve got a great cookbook with low fat recipes.
Victim: Ya, but those never taste any good.
Sooner or later the Rescuer feels angry and defeated and one or the other of them jump over to the Persecutor role. “Fine then be a fat pig!” says the former Rescuer, either out loud or in her head, although a true blue full time Rescuer would never admit to being angry, she’ll just get a migraine or other physical ailment instead. Or the former Victim changes roles and snaps “Back off! Who do you think you are? My mother?” On an intuitive level, they both knew the Victim wasn’t going to do anything to lose weight. It is unconscious banal dance with a predictable ending. But each time it is played out to its punch line, the players act like it is a surprise.
If, during a therapy session, a client says two “ya, buts”, I change my tack and take a whole new approach. I usually start to agree with them saying that I think they are right, there is no way to solve their problem. Suddenly they begin backpedaling, giving all sorts of reasons why my ideas will work. I continue nay-saying each of their ideas until we fall silent. I’ve had some clients totally change their life course and take charge when they were finally faced with someone who agreed with their doomsday future and instead of rescuing them. The game was over.
When doing the Victim role, you act hurt, shocked, devastated or angry if someone dare suggest that you have anything to do with creating your current situation. In fact, you may be thinking to yourself right now, “She just doesn’t understand what it’s like to be me. How could she!”
Dejected, you act as if you are at the mercy of other people and situations. In reality, you are picking situations and people to maintain your victim position. You lend your last $80 to someone who is irresponsible, you neglect to fix your leaking tire so you end up with a flat, you pick the abusive boss instead of the kind one and so on. You sit right in the path of trouble and act surprised when it comes. You are blind to the clues that others see quite clearly that say, “Stay away from this person.” “Don’t park too near the fire hydrant.” “Look behind you.”
Another fine mess you're gotten me into.
Stan Laurel of Laurel & Hardy
You rarely ask directly for what you need instead-- with many deep sighs -- you make hinting statements like, "Gee, it's sure going to be a long walk to the bus station in this heat." And if you ever do ask for help directly, you are sure to do it in such as way that no one will respond. And they won’t, unless of course they are a big time rescuer. You discount your own ability to make good decisions or take action. You hand off your power and responsibility to anyone who will take it. Your dark sucking energy is like a black hole leaching energy from others.
When you are acting like a victim, not only are you inviting others to rescue you, you also are entrancing others to persecute you.
Cindy: I admit it now, that I knew Randy was focused on himself, even when we were dating. He never was interested in my life, what I was doing. It was just whatever he was into. I used to complain to all my girlfriends. Bonding thru bitching. We’d talk about this crap for hours. Like I was a big Victim. But, now I know I’m not. I helped set this up. Now I’ve taking responsibility for making things different and not whining anymore.
Beverly: Looking back on that date with Larry at movies. I can’t believe it. I was so mad at him, but I never spoke up to say a word to him about what I wanted. Talk about passive. I just let him make all the decisions and then thought that he was selfish. That was my story. I’ve gone out with him again, since I’ve changed this dance. It was great fun. We talked about going on a hike or skiing and I told him I just wanted to stay home and have a quiet dinner together. He agreed and really enjoyed it. And even if he didn’t want to do that, I know we could have come up with other ideas.
Victim Templates
If you experienced a painful situation in the past where you were powerless to do anything to stop it, you might now have a Victim template. Operating from this template you keep attracting and creating situations where you need to be rescued. This template needs to be addressed on both the current and the archaic level. Currently, you must look for your part in creating every situation where you end up feeling hurt or victimized. Write down what you could have done differently- even if it was to be in a different place at a different time. Get curious about what kind of beliefs you hold that maintain this template and then challenge your beliefs. On the archaic level, you need to address the incidents that set up this template in the first place. The unresolved energy from your past is like a computer program that directs your actions and gives requests to the universe to keep setting up similar situations. You need to repattern these past events and release the residue energy. The Boundaries: Solution for Life trainings use body/mind experiences to create new templates. Use some of the methods you’ll find later in this book to start changing these templates.
I have had several clients who had been injured or abused in childhood and then, later on as adults they kept being involved in pattern of accidents. It is pivotal that you always take ownership in any accidents you have so you can identify and change your templates. One client insisted that the series of car accidents, where she was always rear ended, was out of her control. But when she finally took responsibility for the incidents and resolved the original childhood victimization, she suddenly started being aware of her environment in a whole new way. She began coming to sessions describing ways that she had protected herself from potential injury. She even avoided being rear ended again.
Victim: Why it's hard to stop and why you'll be glad when you do
It’s so easy to just let things happen to you. And since you are not speaking up and making waves, no one can blame you for anything. You don’t have to take any responsibility if things don’t work out. No one counts on you for anything or expects much of anything from you. In fact, you never need to challenge yourself and test your abilities. What a relief. And best of all you can get lots of attention for being hurt. Whether it is emotional or physical pain, people will console you, sympathize with you and listen to you for hours. Maybe they will even bake you a cake. If you haven’t noticed yet, the world of drama always revolves around you, the Victim. And luckily, if your current friends get burnt out there are always lots more Rescuers around. It maybe hard to leave this magnetic role, but when you do, it’s magic. You will have clarity and power you never imagined. When you take responsibility for your life, you take charge of everything you do. You challenge yourself and move towards your dreams. You have successes. You make mistakes. But it doesn’t matter, because you’ll feel the joy of taking action. And you will feel the pride of knowing you fully engaged in the dance of life.
Affirmations for stepping out of Victim
I create my life. I take 100% responsibility for everything in my life.
No matter what has happed to me in my past, I create my life now.
No whining, no blaming, no excuses.
I don’t have to act hurt or helpless to get what I want.
I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.
–Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Go to www.joancasey.com for more information
about creating relationships that work
Persecutor-It's Your Fault!
When you play the Persecutor, you try to blame others. You might do it verbally by ridiculing, belittling, criticizing, teasing or raging. Or by using sarcasm (which is thinly veiled anger), put downs, zaps or threats. You have a photographic memory for your partner’s past mistakes and recite them with vigor. You are disdainful and one-up. And you know how to undermine other’s success or good mood with just the right comment at just the right time. Your sharp tongue cuts to the core. At the time you are doing it you feel like you have no other option, later on, sometimes, you feel bad about how cruel you can be. Or perhaps your persecution comes out as “helpful feedback” which isn’t helpful at all. It’s just a list of faults. And whether they are true or not, the anger underneath drives it home with a jab.
When you persecute physically, you pinch, hit, rape, shove, throw things, tickle when it is no longer funny or threaten harm. You’ve always got a great reason for what you did. And it is always someone else’s fault. Someone made you angry. Someone was asking for it. Someone provoked you.
Randy writes
When I get mad, that’s it. It’s all over. I don’t care what I say or what I do. Once I slammed my first through the wall before I knew what I was doing. Cindy just wasn’t listening to me.
You give the evil eye- the "if looks could kill", cold viper glare. You use the abandonment move where you turn away from your partner with disgust, sneering while you roll your eyes. You feel most alive when fueled by anger and so you are always on the lookout for things to justify your anger. Someone passed you on the road. Someone made tacos for dinner…it’s all just a reason to light your own fuse. You look for injustices, wrong doings and mistakes with an inner glee.
While some people will try to soothe you, others delight in seeing how short your fuse is. It’s like stepping on a frozen lake, they want to see how far they can go before it cracks.
"Oh, I wasn’t doing anything": When anger goes underground
Sometimes you do a “Little Miss Innocent” persecution move. You make one “innocent” undermining comment after another. You point out a stain on his suit jacket as he is heading out the door for a big meeting. You remind him of when he burnt the steaks last week just as he is about to barbeque for your guests. When your partner finally blows up you act shocked, surprised and hurt. Secretly, underneath, you are grinning ear to ear. Since he blew up and you kept in control, you feel like you won. And what a wonderful time to jump over to the Victim role.
Another passive-aggressive dance is the “Do Me Dance”. You allow your partner to plan your vacation without your giving any input. “Whatever you do, darling, will be just fine.” Then, when he has just bought the tickets, you sabotage the outcome by forgetting to do one easy task or, when you get to the hotel; you find one thing after another wrong with it. With a consoling smile you say, “Oh well, honey, it will be OK.” Then you sit back in satisfaction as you watch his pleasure and pride fade away.
"Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions.
Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that
you, too, can become great."
Mark Twain
Randy shares: I used to walk around pissed off all the time. And I’d blame it on Cindy and my job and all the people on the road to work and, well, just about everybody. The best way I’d handle it was to just be alone. I got my shock last night, I came home and the house was a mess, there was laundry everywhere. And I just started yelling at Cindy about the house, about her clothes, about the baby. Then I stopped for minute and saw the look on her face. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. This is my wife and I’m destroying her. I’ve learned that I’ve got to stop this. This persecuting can’t keep going. I realize now that I’ve been mad for a long time. Ever since I was a teenager. I’m starting to deal with all that now.
Greta: I grew up in a family that was really sharp and funny, in a sarcastic sort of way. I mean, I thought we were funny. Who could have the quickest comebacks or zingers. We weren’t real warm and fuzzy. We never talked about feelings. Listening to my husband, Matt, these last few weeks in therapy have been eye-opening. I had no idea how much my style has been affecting him. He was just hiding out, trying to dodge it. He was really feeling hurt by what I was saying. Sometimes I know I’m upset, but a lot of the time it’s just how I talk.
Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar.
I feel like I've just got to bite a cat! I feel like if I don't bite a cat before sundown, I'll go crazy! But then I just take a deep breath and forget about it.
That's what is known as real maturity.
-Snoopy
Persecutor: Why it's hard to stop and why you'll be glad when you do
Intimidating people can give you a sense of power. And you never have to stop and look at how powerless you really feel. It can feel great to be in charge, to not let anyone intimidate you. No one can get to you. Sometimes it can be kind of fun to be a walking time bomb, no one can predict what you’ll do next so you get a wide berth and an odd kind of respect. You thrive on your righteousness while never stopping to take a look at the fallout. Also, when you are so busy attacking other people, you never have to slow down and notice your own hurt. You get to ignore you own wounds.
Instead of taking responsibility for your anger, by monitoring yourself, giving yourself timeouts or appropriately handling your emotions, you just indulge yourself and play it out. And what a great way to blow some steam. It’s very exciting, dramatic and stimulating- quite an adrenaline rush.
When you decide to stop playing this role, instead of trying to master others, you become the master of yourself. Once you’ve done your emotional releasing work, you’ll be amazed at how calm you feel. In the face of flat tires, late appointments and hostile drivers, you’ll be at peace. You will learn to use your power with compassion and you will be respected instead of feared.
Though we all have the fear and the seeds of anger within us, we must learn not to water those seeds and instead nourish our positive qualities — those of
compassion, understanding, and loving kindness.
Thich Nhat Hanh
Affirmations for stepping out of Persecutor
My needs are not an emergency.
I’m responsible for what I do with my feelings.
I can use my power in a way I am proud of.
I am safe.
(Insert Diagram: The Drama Triangle Diagram)
The Pull of the Dance: Tool
Not only is it important to know what roles you fall into, you must learn where you are most likely to jump into the dance. What happens just before you step into your role? What could you do different next time? Also, notice what your response is when someone else does each role. Do you fall all over yourself trying to help when someone presents Victim or do you want to zap him or her? Go back to you circle of intimacy and look at the different people in your life. Figure out how you have being dancing on the drama triangle with them. Then plan ahead and practice a new approach.
Stopping the Drama: Tool
Play out each of the three roles, Rescuer, Victim and Persecutor, so you learn them well. The more conscious you are of this dance, the harder for you to mindlessly jump in. Do this out loud. Notice your words, body posture, voice intonations, attitude and energy. Do each of the three roles in three different ways-blatant, subtle and silent. With the blatant level, do it in an exaggerated way, with lots of arm waving, moaning and collapsing, like an opera. With the subtle, use the level of voice you would use in a restaurant. And with the silent, just use minimal body movement; let the tilt of your head or glance of your eyes reveal the roles. Do this several times and then make a list of all the ways you do each move in real life. Whenever possible, also do this with your partner or a friend, it really helps you interrupt your old moves. Please do not just try to do this one in your head. It won’t work. You’ve got to feel and hear these roles to interrupt your old patterns.
Oh, I forgot to tell you. When you stop playing this game, you are going to have to spend a lot more money going to the movies because there won’t be big drama in your life any more.
Doing it alone
I’ve worked so hard to today. I really deserve a treat. I think I’ll have a piece of chocolate cake. Yum, that was good. I think I’ll have one more piece. Yum. Yum. Oh, what a pig! I can’t believe it. There goes my diet. How stupid! And I was doing really well this week. How come I can’t stay on a diet? Nothing ever works out for me anyway. Now I’ll never fit that new dress. I’m so upset. Maybe I’ll have a piece of cake.
Now that you know…
Now that you know the Drama Triangle, you’ll start seeing it everywhere and you might want to point it out to others when they are doing it. And, depending on what position you are in, you’ll be acting like a Rescuer or a Victim or a Persecutor when you are telling them. In any case, you’ll probably be annoying. So unless you are their therapist or already have a relationship where you have agreed to point out patterns to each other, be aware of your next step. Think of your goals and intentions. Then live in a way you can be proud of. If you are trying to change them, be careful. Real freedom comes when you stop trying to change others. Stop living in wishes, instead find and live your greater purpose.
"Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.
Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune;
but great minds rise above them.."
-Washington Irving
The original concept for this dynamic comes from Steven Karpman "The Drama Triangle".
You can find his work in Transactional Analysis Journals
and the book Scripts People Live by Claude Steiner
Copyrighted 2003 Boundaries: Solutions for Life
For more information visit www.joancasey.com Email joancasey at joancasey.com
1-206-284-2126 Seattle, Washington
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